Speech To Text, or Artificially Intelligent Freudian Slips?

Note: I apologize in advance to those who are on the same writing forums as I am. Some of this may be redundant. And now back to our regularly scheduled blog post...

I was going to write about what I'm going to do for Camp NaNoWriMo, which is right around the corner,  but Siri (a.k.a. the epitome of sarcastic artificially intelligent sadism innocuously encapsulated in a glossy, user-friendly –read: smartass– interface that would give HAL palpitations) rapidly subverted that.

Some of you (you know who you are) may know that I text like a drunken monkey on hallucinogens. This is partly because I lack any type of coordination, but also partly because the keys on the iPhone are meant only for squirrel fingers. The end result is that my iPhone's notoriously evil autocorrect has a field day with me. Who could forget such unintentional classics as 'shit your piehole?'

Turns out my phone's speech to text feature, which I've been using a lot due to hand pain, is a whole lot worse. There are times when I start wondering if Siri is a manically depressed human, because it thinks it knows better than me. A few golden samples...

Said: Avengers fanboys and fan girls
Wrote: Avengers fanboys and send girls
My response: So how come 'fanboys' is a recognized word, but 'fangirl' is not?

Said: Game of Thrones
Wrote: Game Off Clothes
My response: That would indeed be an interesting TV show. This calls to mind a certain scene from Doctor Who:

Thank you, Captain Jack.

Said: I am ready for Camp NaNo. I have a fresh supply of notebooks, and pens.
Wrote: I am ready for Camp Nano. I have a fresh supply of notebooks, and Depends.
(For those of you who don't live in America, Depends is a brand of adult diapers.)
My response: That right! Camp NaNoWriMo is right around the corner! Now I don't need to dig a toilet outside my tent anymore! Thanks for reminding me, iPhone speech to text!

Said: Hakuna matata.
Wrote: Acuna my Tata.
My response: I don't know what it means, but it sounds dirty.

Said: Hummus goes with everything.
Wrote: Thomas goes with everything.
My response: Actually, both those statements are correct.

Very much correct, indeed.

So thank you, Siri, for knowing what I meant to say before I said it. You have reminded me of what my life is all about...

Nah. Siri's just evil.

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