A Predilection For Procrastination

Oh, you're here. Quick, get behind that tree! Oh, please don't let it find me!

I'm writing this post because I'm procrastinating from writing.

That has to be the worst reason to write a blog post ever.

*Stops typing.*
*Googles "Worst reasons to make a blog"*

Nope. Nothing there.

For some reason, the mobile blogger site decided to tag this post with Tom Hiddleston, and now it won't let me edit that text box, so I feel like I have to mention Tom somewhere in this post now. XD

We now return our regularly scheduled bullshit program.

Oh no! That sudden tangent punched a hole in the blogosphere and created a massive energy fluctuation that attracted the plot bunny's attention! It's found me! Aaargh!

Okay, as promised, here is yet another excerpt of Deus Ex Machina.

This was the city of Planet Hell on Drunei. Michron Nebulon was at the epicenter of society, in the heart of the buzzing behemoth. The crowd surged around him; he stood free and lonely as the desert sky, and already he felt more like a Commoner than he ever had at Exxox.

What? I never said how long it would be!

Also, I just wanted to name a place Planet Hell.

*Crawls under a conveniently placed rock*

This hiding is part of a larger pattern. It's been days since I logged into my desktop. I've been ducking behind a corner every time I think of opening up Scrivener. I've been sneaking a few sentences into plain text files here and there. 

I don't want to know what my word count is. I don't want to see the collective whole. I'm afraid of opening it up to find a giant pile of crap staring back at me.

Thus you see me, the guerrilla writer.

*ninjas off a few more words*

I think I might actually have broken a thousand today, with this intermittent writing. I still don't have a count, but we'll see what we'll see. 

And now, it is 12AM, and I'm dead sleepy. Adieu waking world. Parting is such sweet--

Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

A Hamster In The Dark

The correct party to whom you might apportion the blame for this post entity's existence is my friend Maxwell, over on The Wandering Quille. Around me, blog posts from the internets wastelands that formed at the beginning of 2013 are starting to pop up like little guilt gophers with big blinky eyes. I suppose I'll join the ranks, and be grumpy about how I feel like I'm running while standing still, like a hamster on a treadmill in a dark, empty room.

*Cue Dio singing A Rainbow Hamster in the Dark*

That has got to be the worst reason for a blog post ever. 

Be that as it may, it's that time of year where writers everywhere suddenly start waking up after the January doldrums. In my case, it's been a little more than a month since I started writing Deus Ex Machina.

That recurring quote in Battlestar Galactica comes to mind -- "All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again." 

What it means is, this is the time frame when my stories fall apart. I start feeling like I've made no progress. I feel like my characters are flatlining. I start spiraling into the Chasm of Despair, in a fit of black depression, feeling like I'm the worst writer on the planet.

Which is exactly what happened. 

I've ranted about all of this before, and I will rant about all of this again, so there is no need to go into it all, because the answers remain the same. 

I'm in the pit, and I want out. My characters are bored. My dialogue is wooden. My setting is nonexistent. 

Oh, Exxox. Nothing happens in Exxox. It's the same thing every day. The worst part is, I can't change that. That's the point of Exxox. It's a prison camp hermit retreat for prisoners of state. It's a voluntary retreat from the rest of humanity.

Yet, for some reason, two agents have decided that this is where they have to be.

Also, why does it so prominently allow access to the Sybe? And what's with the hyperspatial death hallways? I know what Exxox is supposed to symbolize, but how to turn it into plot, I have no clue.

Then there's the moon that looks so boring that no one even looks twice at it, yet Ante says that it's haunted by something beyond science.

There's the virtual reality realm inhabited by The Presence, mysterious NPCs which come and go as they please, which seem to serve no purpose, and whose origin no one knows. Yet, Mike and Nova seem to have the ability to control them. Who is the master, and why?

There are movements and migrations all over the place. Suddenly, the human government decides to kick the  Earthmen off of Earth. 

There are the mysterious red discs, each the size of a large thumbnail, which shine like the eye of Sauron in the darkness...also known as the Chaos Nodules, also known as a Maguffin.

There is the force of the Chaos Division, a.k.a. Memory Men, an organization of official "paper shredders," who erase from history any incidents the government and anyone else with enough money wants covered up. (Not the same as the Agency, which is Khronos Division -- I don't think they have time travel.)

There is Michron Nebulon, a mysterious man with a past that he seems to prefer forgotten. I could launch into an entire blog post by itself of his idiosyncracies, but suffice it to say that he could have anything in the world that he wants, but he doesn't want most of it. I won't say much more, because spoilers, but I am wondering why he is in Exxox, and why he and Crais are simultaneously enemies on the weekdays and friends on the weekends.

There is Nova, who is a homeless Syber star, and who doesn't even seem to want to be in the story. 

There are Crais and Ante, the former a Memory Man, the latter a Sybernetic soldier, or Sybernaut, who, for some reason, think Exxox is the place for the cool kids, and who love stepping on each other's toes.

There is also Rena, who is...Rena. I have a feeling that she will serve as one of those narrators who is there for a lot of the story, but whose actions aren't as central. Oh, and that brings up an awkward question that you'd think I'd have thought about before: who is Rena? I have a feeling that that's something that might even turn out to be central to the plot.

Oh, and I can't forget about the depressed Imperator of humanity, and his ailing son, Victor. 

Then, of course, there is Nicholas, who gets sent off on a huge ship into the deeps of space, and meets mysterious space elves who warn of a great danger that threatens to engulf all sentient species.

Then there is C. Valen, the existential Earth girl who refuses to leave Earth.

I know all of these things are related, but I don't yet know how. I have no plot. I know what I want this story to be, but I have no idea how to turn it into that. I want an epic science fiction story, of the sort that often comes up in fantasy, except this is science fiction. It may not always be hard science fiction, and may sometimes venture into science fantasy, but that's about the gist of it.

Oh, and how do I summarize this whole thing? Lord of the Rings in space. It's not at all the same story, really, but it resonates in some ways.

Anyway, the only thing I know to do at this point is to keep writing, and to hope that something will make sense at some point. So forth I venture, running and standing still...or not. 

That hamster wheel better be comfortable.

2012: A Year In Review

And the award for least creative blog title ever goes to...

Three guesses.

I suppose this will come a little late to a lot of you, seeing as you live in the future. It's still a few hours ahead of midnight here.

Honestly, I don't remember much of what happened this year, at least not in a coherent fashion. Yesterday, I decided to do Milwordy. I blinked, and suddenly it was February, and I was getting the cramps out of my fingers from writing nothing at all after NaNoWriMo 2011. I scratched behind my ear, and had visions of finished drafts dancing in my head. It was going to be my birthday present to myself, for my 25th birthday.

Well, we all know how that turned out.

This was a year of wins and losses, of making mistakes, and learning, of heavy metal, of excited exultation, and of many, many visits to the Chasm of Despair.

After ten months of National Novel Plotting Month, I still haven't learned how to plan, but I did make a start. I do know now that my mind works in an iterative linear fashion, where every day, I can only see one single tiny end to end thread at a time, and that over time, the collective might evolve into a whole. (Yeah, that's the software developer in me talking.)

I lost Milwordy badly, but I learned that a word counter is just a tool, and not an end. I learned not to lose sight of the real goal, which was to complete something, not to vomit chaos.

I ended up devoloping chronic tendonitis, but I learned my limits. I learned how to prioritize my activities the hard way, to continue doing what I love, without injuring myself.

The old drafts of H öllebergen, Amber, Calor, and previous Dark Arcana rot in their folders, forgotten, but a newer, stronger Dark Arcana, composed of everything that they once were, emerges from the mist.

Speaking of Dark Arcana, I never quite finished even one draft, at least not the way I intended it. However, I did learn when to draw the line. I learned that the Tunnel is much longer and darker than I had once thought, but I also learned to acknowledge, if not accept, small victories.

Even now, as I gear up for a last mad dash to round the thing off before midnight, I can't help feeling that it's done. Then again, I guess

Lastly, one thing I still can't quite believe is that I've been a writing forum addict for less than a year. It seems like just yesterday that I crept onto FebNoWriMo, and stumbled onto the awesomeness of a small community of awesome people who actually know your name! ...In a manner of speaking.

*Cue Cheers theme song.*

(I'm sorry. I had to.)

I learned how to use Twitter. Yes, that had actually been a huge struggle to me. Seemingly simple? Yes, seemingly. I don't think I will ever fully get the hang of it, but I'm getting there.

So, things to work on for 2013:

Learn to plan. To make it less vague, let's say...learn to produce a loose outline of a novel, preferably by doing less work than I am doing now, which is to say, writing it.

Write every day. I have a skip counter, which started on November 1st, 2012. That number is now at 60, because it has been 60 days since I skipped writing. If I don't write some fiction -- even if it's only 100 words -- that number goes back to 0. As that number gets bigger, I find the thought of resetting it progressively harder, and that's just enough to blackmail me into spending at least five minutes writing 100 words. Sometimes, I'm having a bad day, and it stays 100 words. Most of the time, though, it's enough to kick me off. This will continue into 2012. No resets, not even for the new year!

And now, it is time for me to put my money where my mouth is. I have a draft to reorder before the day ends! (Of course, anyone who knows anything about me will know by now that 'day' can stretch well into the small hours. If I haven't gone to sleep, it's still day!)

Six hours to midnight.

Happy New Year, everyone!

"My car doesn't have power windows, but it does have an infinite improbability drive." -- My sister.

The Voice of Chaos. The Tick of Khronos.

It's December 1st. Yep. That time of year again. It is the time for doing things still undone.

The clock is ticking.

Time to avoid writing, and instead stare my eyes out at the TV shows I did not have time to watch in November.

Time to randomly subvert myself in the middle of something completely unrelated to writing, and then slap down words when I least expect it. In fact, I think I WILL do that to myself. I AM NINJA WRITER.

Time to start sketching my characters' clothes and places from the Five Worlds again.

Time to catch up on my reading.

Time to start several things simultaneously in order to accommodate my short attention sp

(I'm really hungry.)

an. And...hopefully finish them all.

Time to avoid as much of the ubiquitous Christmas music I can, and assemble my own delicious tunes: some for me, and some for Dark Arcana. This album would be perfect for Ethan, as he tries to track down what went wrong with history...I really must check out more epic cinematic music!

Listening To:



Time to subvert the topic of my own blog post. Speaking of which, here are the five worlds, along with two...places that are not places.

• Alpha: Nodus - The source of all things, but which is not the thing itself. The Inside. The Mind. The Inner being.
• 1. Calor - The age of the false gods. When the truth dies, and a new truth dawns. 
• 2. Engleter - The age of chaos. When truths and other truths collide in chaos, there is only the human, alone.
• 3. Quan Sai - The age of fire. When reason trumps emotion, and wrong and right mean the same thing.
• 4. Acheron - The age of darkness. In the void of truth, deception, chaos, reason, and emotion, there is only the night.
• 5. Grehai - The age of the human collective. When the nodes are scattered far in space and time, of sentience beyond truth, yet united. 
• Omega: The Wall - The final rest of all things, that which defines the thing. The Outside. The Outer being.

I have no idea what this even means. This is what happens when I let Dark Arcana do the typing for me. Now this damn hydra bunny is all smug because he knows exactly what he's talking about with all this fancy sounding philosophical stuff, but he won't tell me.

I think my blog posts have gone beyond editing.

This is utter chaos. Interestingly enough, each of these places matches up with a work of fiction that resonates in my head. WHY they resonate I can't very well say, but they do.

• Calor - A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin
• Engleter - His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman
• Quan Sai - Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra
• Acheron - Star Wars and Lord of the Rings
• Grehai - Neuromancer by William Gibson

Pretty soon, I am going to be bleeding all over the place about how this is the worst idea ever. Oh, hello, Chasm of Despair.

I'm glad to see you've warmed up my comfortable blanket for me.

NaNoMongering 22: The Long Dark Winter of the Soul

I suppose that since NaNoWriMo is now over, I should do a wrap-up post about what I learned, and stuff. Well, that's in here, but fair warning: there is a fair amount of fluff. The last few days were...eventful. Thus, you all get another word vomit post about things that happened to me.

In no particular order:

Yesterday, I finally got a job! I start in about a week and a half. So...yes. That. And...

The Long Dark Winter Of The Soul

On the 26th, I did a mad 4k dash, and won NaNoWriMo.

I am very happy about this. I have won NaNoWriMo before, and with higher word counts, but this was a different sort of victory.

This is the first OLL event for which I wrote every day, without skipping a single day. There it is, my beautiful graph! No ugly plateaus!

This actually makes me feel so much better than any number ever did. Even on those days when all I could squeeze out was 100 words, it was like a pat on the back from my Narrator, as if he was telling me that he's still there, and isn't going to go away any time soon.


If there was one thing I learned from this, it was that perseverance pays off. I can feel my novel existing in the aether, ready to be defined on the page. The pieces slowly click into place, snap by snap, gear by gear, slowly turning. One day the beast will awaken.

I don't expect it to happen for a while yet, but it doesn't matter. What I need is not a higher word count in less time; when I push that hard, I get burnt out, and I take a break that ends up lasting for months, during which time I lose all connection with what I started. I need my novel to stay alive, and that it will, with time, patience, and perseverance. Since I won, I have been writing a little every day, at a slower pace, one that I can keep up. Just a thousand words a day, until this thing is done.

A finished draft. I don't have it yet, but I will soon.

So thank you, OLL, for making it possible for writers like me to push themselves to start. I know I often blame Doctor Who for Dark Arcana's existence, but it was NaNoWriMo that really pushed me to come up with an idea in the first place.

Key word from the first sentence: start. Of course, my goal now is to finish Draft 1, but after that, there is still more work ahead. I will probably leave Draft 1 buried in soft peat for a month or two, but in the mean time, I will start working on a new project, maybe Deus Ex Machina, or the second book of Dark Arcana.

So, to sum up, the Fall Rush to start is done, and now comes The Long Dark Winter Of The Soul, and hopefully the Spring of Completion. This is the long, slow road to polishing the turd I have into something that more nearly resembles the shining vision I have in my head. Write Draft 2. Revise. Edit. Rinse. Repeat. My life is basically one long tunnel at this point.

Dark Arcana: The Amber of Time.
It sounds grand.
This is going to happen. It's going to happen, isn't it?

By the way, all this vomit I vomited just now? Chuck Wendig says it far better than I do, in Here's How You Flush Your NaNoWriMo Efforts Down the Crapper. (Language warning.)

Random Dark Arcana Related Word Vomit

Yes, there is more word vomit. During the past few days, I also "discovered" three new plot bunnies, and two plot segments! I'm only putting in hints here, because I have yet to flesh these things out.

Bunnies:
Religion.
Readers, Characters, Reality.
The Tunnel.

Segments:
The Cave. Dreams.
Shopping as an extreme sport.


On a side note, I discovered an interesting subplot for Dark Arcana. Okay, interesting is putting it mildly.

This was sheer mindfuckery, of the sort that makes one write it all down.
And then go vomit in the trash can.
Poor Ethan and Caliiry. I'm afraid that they are in for a rough time.

Speaking of rough times, my other little terrors have been acting up too. Yesterday, they all started scaring the crap out of me by having a surprise Disney cosplay party in my head. The worst part is that these characters actually don't look at all like the characters they chose. Just like a real cosplay, they are different people, but...it worked.

The Cast:
Aurana: Belle. *prances around imaginary library*
Ethan: The Beast (He hates his costume. Ethan: YES. In the name of Chaos, Author, WHY?)
Caliiry: Maleficent (She loves her costume. Caliiry: No I don't! What is this Vickie nonsense? Frag you, author. Me: (whisper) She secretly does like it.)
Hermeticus Octodyne: Frollo. (HO: *smirks* Why yes, I AM enjoying this. Me: ...Why, Hermeticus Octodyne, why?)
Oscar: Cinderella (He loves messing with me.)
Wei Lao: Mulan. (Really, Wei Lao? Just because you're the one Asian girl? Isn't that a bit... WL: ...You mean, because Mulan is awesome, and so am I? Then yes.)
Claire: As herself, because she's too cool for this foolery.

On a more sober note, these are both songs that I haven't listened to in forever. Yet, they remind me of a certain tragic stage in Ethan and Aurana's plot. *Sad silence*

Hinder - Lips Of An Angel

The Offspring - Gone Away

Speaking of songs that I haven't heard in AGES, this one sort of reminds me of Ethan...sort of.

Hoobastank - Crawling In The Dark

The Battle of the Battlestar

Backstory: My sister and I are polar opposites. I could make a long list, but the relevant point is that literature and TV-wise, my sister doesn't like science fiction AT ALL. She's even iffy about fantasy. Anyway, I have been trying to get my sister to watch Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica for months. Doctor Who is a lost cause. She just flat out doesn't like it, even after the first three episodes of 9. Inconceivable! But, well, marching to the beat of a different drum and all that, she managed to subvert my mission for a while.

Then yesterday, tragedy struck. For her.

Sister: Want to watch The Office?
Me: Okay.
Sister: ...Aw, there's no new episode! Must have been because of Thanksgiving.
Me: MUA HA HA HA HA, NOW YOU ARE WATCHING BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.
Sister: *internally groans* -__________- *resigns herself to it, because she made the mistake of not having a back up program, and now there's nothing else on*
Me: Challenge accepted! *gleefully starts up the first episode of BSG*

Episode 1, 15 minutes in:
Sister: *bored, texting on her phone, and vaguely glancing at the TV*
Episode 1, 30 minutes in:
Sister: *occasionally forgets to look bored, only checks phone half the time*
Episode 1, 60 minutes in:
Sister: *computer and phone utterly forgotten, leaning forward in chair*
After Episode 1 over:
Sister: "That was better than I thought it would be."
Sister: "And...OMG STARBUCK! She's AWESOME!"
Me: ^___________________^ "Told you."

My work here is done.

NaNoMongering 21: Hey Hey You You Get Off Of My Back

There is an OCD gremlin on my back. It clings to me with little slimy toady arms, and it's got spurs on its boots. It's biting my ear, and presenting to me an impossible writing plan, in triplicate, in three tiers.

Nine hells. Ugh.

Unfortunately, the only way I will get it off my back is, of course, if I do one of the impossible plans.

The goal: 50k.
Present state: 44.7k.

300 words away from 45k. Being that close is the strongest annoyance. The first step is to attain 45k, and reach a round thousand and 5k number mark. The next step is to finish at least 2k words today, which is a daily goal. More OCD gremlin kicking, because that would put me at 47k, and I prefer even thousand number marks, like 46 or 48k. Of course, I can't stop at 46, though, because that would mean writing less than 2k today, and also leaving me 4k away from 50k, making it harder to catch up. Time wise, I have no excuse not to finish today. Even if I hit 48k, the 50k mark adds another layer, because again being that close but not getting there will annoy me. It doesn't help that 50k is where I should have reached today.

But it means that I need 5.3k written today in order to completely silence the demon gremlin, AND get it off me. Everything else will quiet it, but it will still be there, telepathically nagging. I want this thing off me NOW.

Then again, I shouldn't complain.
It could be worse.

Doctor Who, Turn Left, Donna Noble

Doctor Who, Turn Left, Donna Noble

What? Someone once said that this was going to be a serious writing blog, with no more pointless word vomit and random pictures? No? I don't remember this at all.

Time to crank up the word machine. I have Cradle of Filth's Cemetery and Sundown stuck in my head, out of which I got two good titles for possible stories: When Waking Worlds Collide, and Dawn of the Underworld. It reminds me of all these scary caves I see in my dreams, and makes me wonder if they're  all really part of one giant cave, and I just see different bits each time...

But first, pie.

NaNoMongering 20: Exhausted Elementary Epiphany

I wondered whether to include boring stock photography that was vaguely relevant... (TBC)

Yesterday I mused that I might be better off focusing on writing my novel, instead of obsessively aiming for 30 blog posts in November. No point in blogging for blogging's sake, when I have nothing better to add except to repost other people's content and to angst about my word count. The fact is, I have achieved my original aim, which was simple blog necromancy.

Behold the resurrection. Having established a habit of regularly scheduled quantity, the next step is quality. Now I need to post only when I have a good reason.

Having said that, a "good reason" can range anywhere from existential triumph to angsty epiphany to how having only 19 NaNoMongering posts is bothering me and my OCD compels me to round it off to 20. #iregretnothing

I have learned that having a set schedule for tedious activities breeds productivity. Now I choose to subvert my original plan with a better, more sustainable one: blog once a week. I will still have the schedule to kick my butt, but hopefully this means I will actually edit my posts now, instead of word vomiting all over the place. This is actually meant to be a semi-serious (because since when have I ever been able to take myself entirely seriously?) writing blog, to function as a tool for me to help me write more good. How else could I find that, having written 2k of explanation about my WIP, that I still don't know what it's about? All the heaps of inane off-topic drivel, rabid fangirling, angst, fudge posts, etc. may provide fun content, but they defeat this purpose. There's a reason Tumblr exists.

That's not to say I'll cut out all the fun. I can't guarantee that the occasional picture of David Tennant won't slip in. :-)

(cont'd) Or a cheerful picture of fruit that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. There. You get both.

It's still November, though, which means insanity is necessary. (Though with me, this excuse is like a hat on a snowman. Looks good, but hardly required.)

This is a little tune called Smells Like the Write Spirit.

Load up on puns
Bring your pens it's fun to lose and also win
I'm never bored, a sugar hoard
 Write extra late to pad the words

Nano nano nano nano nano
Nano nano nano nano nano
Nano nano nano nano nano
Nano nano nano nano nano

This is NaNo. Time to party!
Mr. Ian Woon is tardy!
I'm a pantser! Time to fly now!
Fifty thousand! NaNoWriMo!


Fearless fighter!
Puny writer!
From a zero!
To a hero!

Yeah!

The count won't come, I must rest,
For wars of words our will shall test,
Our little group will always grin,
And type a tale until The End 

Nano nano nano nano nano (X3)

This is NaNo. It's my story!
Plot a novel. That is scary!
I'm a pantser! How should I know?
Fifty thousand! NaNoWriMo!

Fearless fighter!
Puny writer!
From a zero!
To a hero!

Yeah!

And I forget just why I write,
Oh yeah I guess I'm just insane,
Our angst and doubt, make it hard to win,
We cheer and share the pain.

With the lights out, Midnight oil
Burns as we slave, sweat and toil!
This is stupid! This is pointless!
Aching fingers need some ointment!

Fearless fighter!
Puny writer!
From a zero!
To a hero!

Yeah!

NaNoWriMo! (X9)

Tune stolen borrowed from Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit.